Sometimes people think depression means you're just sad, but sometimes you feel nothing & other times you feel everything at once. You can be anxious and feel empty all at once. It's an indescribable feeling. Sometimes you have waves of emotions, one minute you're fine, then the next minute, sad for no reason.
I've been quiet over the last month because I've been living in this indescribable place. At times I've been worried about my future, other times I've been content. There have been days the weather will bring me down into a complete dark hole & i'll just sit waiting for the sun to come out again. But when it did, I still didnt feel better. I wanted to cry in the shower. I can hear one thing on tv or in a movie and it brings back those ☁ back in my head. Then I begin to blame myself. "Why can't I just stay positive? If I just had a positive mindset, I would be ☺, I would think". Sometimes I blame myself, actually I blame myself all the time, but sometimes I have to remember that what I'm describing is depression. It's not about my character. It's not a character flaw at all, it's a disease and even the depressed have to remember this, because our minds will convince us otherwise.